On 17th February, 2005, my husband brought her home as my house help. She was smaller than l wanted. I needed a much bigger girl, but the mum could only allow her as the elder sister was elsewhere. The only option was to manage her, but managing meant that l had to nurse her as she was too small to even wash her own clothes, the breakable kitchenwares etc.
It wasn’t also easy to raise a child with certain orientations.
But l tried. When the task became too tedious,
I packaged her home, but the father gave us a mind boggling question: if she is your daughter, will you throw her away? Please, train her as yours. I want her different.
As stunning as that question sounded, l thank God that l took that challenge seriously and to my heart.
I teach, I scream, I plead, l appeal and l advice…
To make sure she turns out better than she would.
Sometimes, she makes me furious, laugh, cry, and proud, just like now.
From Primary 2, she had gone through to secondary, made her papers, have trained on computer literacy before going for skill acquisition.
Today, she has moved to a higher level. She is matriculating at Alvan Ikoku Federal College of Education, and l am so happy that our 13 years together is not a waste after all.
She has long ceased to be a maid in my home.
She is now Aunty’s Auntie, my little sister, my children’s Auntie. And no one knows she is not my sibling.
Uchechi, today is the beginning of a new life for you.
We are happy for you. Sky is your jumping pad.
We pray that you graduate with flying colours. And we continue to pray for financial breakthrough so that you do not suffer any stress concerning your education.
Congratulations, dear. We are super proud of you.”
Subscribe to The Republican News. Advertise with us. Call us for press release, enquiries. Email: RepublicanNewsNetwork1@gmail.com, phone: +32497220468, +2348189650279, + 32466100102
We all know the drill. Your friend starts seeing someone new and that all-consuming infatuation takes hold of them and before you know it, it’s goodbye brunch dates, hello unread WhatsApp messages.
When you enter into a new relationship, there is so much excitement to see the other person and you love nothing more than spending time together – which means you can often neglect your friendships without realising.Research has shown that when you enter a new relationship you can lose up to three close friends as fitting in time for work, friends, family and a partner can be overwhelming.Yet, this doesn’t always have to be the case.
“I think we need to learn how to actively prioritise friendship in our lives,” Kate Leaver, author of The Friendship Cure, told the Standard. “We are legally bound to our spouse and genetically obliged to love our family, so friendship is theoretically more tenuous and therefore needs better protection.
“We, as a society, put romantic love above all other forms – we can blame Hugh Grant movies, in part, for that – and we just need to reorganise our hierarchy of love so that friendship is vitally and obviously important to us.”
Leaver advised if you want to avoid falling into the all-consuming relationship trap, you must actively prioritise your friends.
She added: “To stop losing friends when you get into a relationship, you must deliberately, consciously and proactively decide to keep the friendship in your life, in a prominent position.
“So fewer ‘we need to catch up’ texts – more actual catch ups. I know it’s hard to keep tiny humans alive, run a career, care for your parents and maintain a relationship, but it’s so desperately important to make time for friendship, too.”
Part of the reason a lot of relationships break down is due to how much we expect from our romantic partners – so Leaver suggested relying on multiple people for emotional needs instead of just one.
She continued: “We also need to get more realistic about what our partners can give us. Part of the reason so many relationships break down is that we are expecting too much from one human being.
“If we relied on multiple people for our emotional needs, we’d be safer and better protected by heartache. We often underestimate friendship and mistake it for a relationship defined by fun – and it is fun! – but it is also strategically important for our mental and even physical wellbeing.” (Evening Standard)
There are certain traits that the majority of heterosexual women look for in a man: kindness, GSOH, an understanding that the fight for gender equality is very much still ongoing.
But other aspects of your personality could be a deal-breaker for one woman and simultaneously the reason another falls in love with you.
Beauty of all kinds really is in the eye of the beholder, and human uniqueness is what makes the search for ‘the one’ all the more interesting (and difficult).
That said, with scientists having spent decades trying to worhetk out the key to why we fall in love, there are certain things you should look for in a potential suitor which suggest you may have found a keeper.
With the advent of dating apps meaning another love interest is never more than a right swipe away, it can be hard to commit.
So if you’re wondering whether to settle down with your current partner, it might be worth taking a step back and asking yourself whether he ticks the boxes below.
If he doesn’t, that doesn’t mean he isn’t the one for you. But if he does, you’ve likely got a pretty good egg on your hands.
1. He’s smart
While some of us are naturally brainier than others, a new study from the Hanken School of Economics in Finland suggests that the smarter the man, the less likely he is to be unfaithful. According to the research, more intelligent men are more likely to get married and stay married.
So if you’re worried your boyfriend might be too brainy for you, a) don’t be intimidated because intelligence isn’t everything, and b) know that you may have a guy who’s more likely to be faithful on your hands.
2. He makes you laugh
Finding someone you can have a laugh with is crucial – even if everyone else rolls their eyes at his dad jokes, if they crack you up, that’s all that matters.
And a study has shown that men are more likely to have “mating success” if they have a GSOH.
3. He actively supports your career
A study found that husbands were a deciding factor in two-thirds of women’s decisions to quit their jobs, often because they thought it was their duty to bring up their children.
Even when the women in the study described their husbands as supportive, they also revealed that the men refused to change their own work schedules or offer to help more with looking after children.
4. He makes as much effort with your friends and family as you do with his
It’s not uncommon for a woman to end up giving up her own social life to slot into her new man’s. But it’s rare that a man does the same once entering a relationship.
In fact, a recent study found that young men get more satisfaction out of their bromances than their romantic relationships with women. While this is clearly ludicrous, maintaining your friendships is important. So make sure you’re with a man who not only wants you to make time to see your friends but also makes an effort to get to know them too.
5. He’s emotionally intelligent
If stereotypes are to be believed, it is women who are always desperate to talk about feelings and never men who fall hard. Whilst this definitely isn’t true, it’s important each person in a relationship has a certain level of emotional intelligence.
Studies suggest that women are better at taking the opinions and views of their partner into consideration than men, which is essential for a healthy relationship.
6. He respects your opinions and listens to what you have to say
Being closed-minded isn’t a trait that’s exclusive to a particular gender, but if a man is convinced he’s always right and will never consider your argument, it’s not a good sign.
A study from the University of Texas found that the most successful relationships weren’t down to compatibility, but rather making the relationship work. “My research shows that there is no difference in the objective compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy,” study author Dr. Ted Hudson said.
So if you or your partner is always looking for the next best thing rather than committing to make your relationship last, it may not bode well.
8. He celebrates your achievements
Whether it’s deadlifting your bodyweight or learning enough German for a trip to Oktoberfest, it’s important to have a partner who celebrates your achievements.
But this isn’t just to make you feel great – a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples who did so were more satisfied with their relationships than those who reacted negatively or were indifferent.
9. He shares your values
Having a similar outlook in life could be crucial to a successful relationship, according to a study. The more alike your personalities are, the more likely you are to approach problems in the same way.
You and your partner will share similar approaches to everything from socialising to working if your priorities are the same, and this is likely to lead to a greater level of respect for one another.
Of course, if your partner doesn’t have all the above qualities that doesn’t mean you should necessarily dump him immediately – we all look for different things in a partner and a relationship, after all.
But if he does tick all these boxes, he could be one to hold on to. (The Independent)