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Jay-Z On Beyoncé, Infidelity: ‘The Hardest Thing Is Seeing Pain On Someone’s Face That You Caused’

Jeff Nelson

JAY-Z is opening up about how his marriage survived scandal.

In an extensive new interview with T: The New York Times Style Magazine, the famed rapper offered a rare glimpse inside his private world with wife Beyoncé, admitting to past infidelity, revealing his state of mind leading up to the infamous transgression and sharing how the power couple pieced their relationship back together.

Beyonce and Jay-Z seen in Manhattan on September 14, 2017 in New York City© Robert Kamau/GC Images Beyonce and Jay-Z seen in Manhattan on September 14, 2017 in New York City

“You know, most people walk away, and like divorce rate is like 50 percent or something ’cause most people can’t see themselves. The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself,” he told the outlet. “So, you know, most people don’t want to do that. You don’t want to look inside yourself. And so you walk away.”

JAY-Z never walked away from his own marriage, but it hasn’t always been easy.

JAY-Z and Beyonce leave ABC Kitchen on September 29, 2017 in New York City© James Devaney/GC Images JAY-Z and Beyonce leave ABC Kitchen on September 29, 2017 in New York City

Since 2013, the musician has been dogged by cheating rumors, which were only compounded by the news of his notorious 2014 #elevatorgate squabble with sister-in-law Solange after the Met Gala. Beyoncé more than hinted at marital strife on her 2016 adultery-fueled visual album Lemonade— and JAY-Z finally alluded to being unfaithful on the title track of his latest album, 4:44, released in June.

JAY-Z, 47, told T that therapy helped him look inward.

Jay Z and Beyonce during The 59th GRAMMY Awards© Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for NARAS Jay Z and Beyonce during The 59th GRAMMY Awards

“I grew so much from the experience,” the rapper (born Shawn Carter) said. “But I think the most important thing I got is that everything is connected. Every emotion is connected and it comes from somewhere. And just being aware of it. Being aware of it in everyday life puts you at such a … you’re at such an advantage.”

The artist — nominated for eight awards at the 2018 Grammys — said he built up walls due to experiences from his childhood.

“You go into survival mode, and when you go into survival mode what happen? You shut down all emotions. So even with women, you gonna shut down emotionally, so you can’t connect [because of the way you feel about yourself],” he said. “In my case, like it’s, it’s deep. And then all the things happen from there: infidelity …”

JAY-Z acknowledged problems in their relationship informed both Lemonade and 4:44.

a woman wearing a dress               © Myrna Suarez/WireImage for Parkwood Entertainment

“We were using our art almost like a therapy session,” he said of the music, adding that playing the deeply personal tracks for one another was painful — and “very, very uncomfortable.”

While the A-list pair were working on their respective albums — and a joint album they had previously been working on — emotions were running high.

“We were sitting in the eye of that hurricane,” JAY-Z said. “The best place is right in the middle of the pain. And that’s where we were sitting. And it was uncomfortable. And we had a lot of conversations. You know. [I was] really proud of the music she made, and she was really proud of the art I released. And, you know, at the end of the day we really have a healthy respect for one another’s craft. I think she’s amazing.”

Anna Falchi standing in front of a flower                     © Beyoncé Instagram

Today, it seems, JAY-Z and Beyoncé are doing better than ever. Already parents to 5-year-old daughter Blue Ivy, the couple welcomed twins Rumi and Sir in June.

a group of people sitting around each other

“It is not a secret that Beyoncé and Jay had huge problems a couple of years ago. It was obvious to everyone that spent time with them,” an insider told PEOPLE this summer. “There was always tension in the air, but they both worked very hard to get to the place where they are now … They are very excited about adding babies to the family. Jay was great during Beyoncé’s pregnancy and continues to be great. He loves being a dad and Beyoncé seems very happy.”     (People)

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Beyonce Unveils Photo Of Twins, Sir And His Twin Sister Rumi |The Republican News

Beyonce, seen here with her twin Grammy trophies earlier this year, announced her pregnancy in February© Fournis par AFP Beyonce, seen here with her twin Grammy trophies earlier this year, announced her pregnancy in February

Pop diva Beyonce unveiled her newborn twins to the world on Friday, posting a glamorous photo on Instagram and announcing their names.

“Sir Carter and Rumi 1 month today,” reads the caption on the photo, which focuses much more on the 35-year-old yummy mummy than the little ones.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BWg8ZWyghFy/embed/captioned/?cr=1&v=7&wp=932#%7B%22ci%22%3A0%2C%22os%22%3A3967.7791202637863%7DThat wording puzzled many people on social media — is the first child named Sir Carter or simply Sir, Carter being the last name of their rapper father Jay-Z? Others wondered about the gender of the babies.

Beyonce’s mother Tina Knowles cleared it all up later in her own Instagram post: one twin is a boy named Sir, period, and Rumi is a girl.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BWhKxGQh-dE/embed/captioned/?cr=1&v=7&wp=932#%7B%22ci%22%3A1%2C%22os%22%3A3986.2640991419166%7D“So Happy my baby shared a photo of her babies with the world,” Tina Knowles wrote. “Proud grandma hello Sir Carter and Rumi Carter… boy and girl what a blessing.”

In the photo, Queen Bey is shown barefoot, standing on a lawn with the ocean in the background. Towering over her is a large display of colourful flowers.

She is wearing turquoise bikini bottoms and a dramatically ruffled lilac print robe, open at the front and cascading to the ground, twinned with a floor-length pale turquoise veil.

In her arms are the twins, each with a full head of hair and their eyes closed.

The set-up is similar to the one she used to announce her pregnancy back in February, in which she was pictured kneeling in front of a similar floral display while wearing a flowing veil.

“We would like to share our love and happiness,” she wrote at the time. “We are incredibly grateful that our family will be growing by two, and we thank you for your good wishes.”

The twins’ first photo attracted plenty of love from Beyonce’s passionate fans, with the post garnering 2.5 million “likes” within an hour.

Beyonce and Jay-Z are music’s royal family — she and the 47-year-old Jay-Z, whose real name is Shawn Carter, already have a five-year-old daughter, Blue Ivy.

Until Friday, the power couple had not even confirmed the twins’ birth, though Beyonce’s father acknowledged the delivery on social media.

It has been an extremely busy time in the celebrity household.

On June 30, Jay-Z released his first album in four years. The rapper bared himself as he rarely had before in “4:44,” apologising to Beyonce for his infidelity and pouring out love for his mother, whom he reveals to be a lesbian.

He has also announced a North America tour, with 31 dates across the United States and Canada from October to December.

As an expectant mother, Beyonce made a New Age celebration of women at the Grammy Awards earlier this year — putting on an extravagant, abstract performance while proudly displaying her baby bump cloaked in a flowing gold gown.

Rumi is the name of the 13th-century Persian poet who endures as one of the best-loved writers of the Sufi spiritual tradition, with verses that celebrate love, joy and tolerance.

On “4:44,” Jay-Z alludes to Persian poetry on the song “Marcy Me,” which describes his upbringing in a public housing project.

Appearing to liken his rhyming skills to the literary tradition, Jay-Z raps, “Sufi to the goofies / I could probably speak Farsi.”   (AFP)

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